We Left the Camaro on the Road Leaving Sina
by A. E. Stover
Summary: [AU] High-school genius Eren Jaeger and college drop-out Jean Kirschstein are forced to take two ordinary cops hostage on their way to deliver a body to a doctor in Shiganshina.
1. we're just a little buzzed, is all

_**WE LEFT THE CAMARO ON THE ROAD LEAVING SINA  
><strong>_written by **A. E. Stover  
><strong>this version is **not edited**

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><p>.<p>

**[01] **_we're just a little buzzed, is all_

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"The fuck do you mean you lost the keys?"

Eren scowled, ripping his jacket off and making a show of searching through it. "What do you _think_ it means?"

Jean squeezed his eyes shut and pressed cold fingers to the sides of his head just as Eren began flapping his jacket in the night air. "This isn't happening right now. This is _not_ happening. I knew I shouldn't have taken you. I _knew_ something like this would happen."

"Quit bitching and help me look."

"Look _where?_ Last time I checked, you shoved your keys into your pants. Wanna spread 'em so I can pat you down?"

"Fuck you." Eren tossed his jacket onto the hood of a bright yellow Camaro and shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants for the third time since they left the diner. Eren came to a slow pause as the wheels churned inside his head. "Maybe they fell out while we were leaving," he said as he looked at Jean. "We should go back."

"Yeah, sure, let's just go back in and get them. Oh, wait a minute! We _can't._ Because we fucking ditched the bill and squeezed our asses out the bathroom window 'cause _somebody_ left their wallet in the car."

Eren's face scrunched up. "Well, why can't _you_ pay?"

Jean's fist pitched forward before he knew it was moving. Eren quickly side-stepped out of the way like the little shit he was, so Jean's fist ended up cracking into metal. Jean retracted his hand immediately as the Camaro's headlights flashed. He glared at the large dent he'd made and cursed through gritted teeth because Eren-fucking-Jeager's relationship with his car was stronger than the force that kept them all grounded.

"My car!" the little shit cried, as if Jean had just punched his mom. "You _dented_ my car! I can't believe you—"

"I'm about to dent your _face_ if you don't shut up—"

_**BANG BANG BANG**_

Loud thuds thundered from the trunk. The Camaro rocked, squeaking uncertainly in the dead of night. Its headlights flickered again. Eren flew away from his beloved car and was standing behind Jean in a heartbeat. In one of his wiser moments, Jean decided not to comment on it.

Eren was frantic. "Shit, he's still _alive! _Jean, what do we do? What if he gets out of there? Do we... Do we, you _know —_ do the _thing?_ Do we? What if someone sees? Do we still—"

"Jesus _Christ,_ Eren, I don't _know,"_ Jean pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. "Shut up, okay? Just — shut up."

Eren narrowed his eyes. "Gee, sorry I'm so concerned for our safety, horse shit. I'm just trying to help. And _you're_ the one who fucked this all up in the first place, anyway, so it's not like I even _have_ to do anything for—"

"_God,_ Jaeger, will you just— Can you just _shut up_ for _one second_ in your life? It's like you can't—" Eren's hand was suddenly pushing into Jean's face, smooshing his lips mid-sentence. Anger flared up so quickly that Jean needed time to process it's arrival.

"_Shhh!"_ Eren even had the audacity to command.

Jean slapped Eren's hand off his face and faced him with all the intention of beating his face into the ground. But Eren wasn't looking at Jean at all; he hadn't even reacted. Eren was just... _staring._ Curiosity got the better of him; it scratched away at the back of Jean's head until his flaring anger fizzled down enough for him to really look at Eren.

The so-called high school "genius" was staring long and hard at something behind them. His brow creased from the intense stare. He was standing at attention; his arms became like metal rods at his sides, and his shoulders and back stiffened with the effort to stay still. It was rare for Eren to get like this. Jean had been on the job long enough to know what _that_ reaction meant, especially after working with Mikasa. But Eren was not Mikasa; if Eren was the one getting _that_ look on his face, it meant it was probably too late.

Jean turned around. Flashing lights shone in the distance. Jean could already make out the faces of the people inside the approaching cop car.

Ho-oh, yeah. It was _definitely_ too late.

Jean turned back to Eren, ready to propose that they finally switch on the auto of the Camaro, when he saw Eren with his hand leveled to his mouth. The flashing lights pitched an eerie glow on Eren's face; green eyes glinted sharply against the bright lights, and Jean saw Eren's jaw clench with... With _what?_ Fear? Dread? Anticipation?

Before Jean could ask what was wrong, Eren opened his mouth to fit his hand neatly between his teeth.

Adrenaline rushed through his blood; Jean grabbed Eren's wrist and twisted his arm back. He shoved Eren against the car, ignoring both Eren's wide-eyed stare and the Camaro's alarmed chirping.

"H-Hey!You _asshole! _Watch it! _Watch the goddamn car!" _

Eren flailed like a fox caught in a trap; Jean had to lean sharply back to avoid being hit in the face. Jean used his own free hand to pin Eren's flailing arm to his side.

"Jean, you fucking—! Wh-What are you _doing?"_

The words plowed through Jean's mouth. "Are you fucking kidding me right now? What am _I_ doing? Are you really _that_ fucking dense? Motherfucker, what the hell are _you_ doing, you crazy little shit?"

"Fuck you! _You_ came at me first! And I don't know what the fuck you're even going on about!"

Jean yanked one of Eren's arms up by the wrist and flopped Eren's hand between their faces. _"This!_ I'm talking about _this!_ What you were just about to do with _this!"_

"Well, ex_cuse_ me for trying to save your ass! And stop — Just let _go_ of me already! Will you _stop_ it? Hey, are you _deaf?_ I said to let _go!"_

Jean released Eren. But he didn't move away. Instead, and probably against his better judgment, Jean took a step closer so that Eren was physically sandwiched between himself and the Camaro. He bent his neck down so his forehead was almost touching Eren's as he looked down. A chill shocked his spine as their eyes met; Eren's green eyes were alight with a murderous glare, and Jean almost backed off. But he didn't. "Did you really think doing _that_ will get us out of trouble?" He spoke lowly, and continued only when he saw the slightest glimmer of confusion flash across Eren's face like lightning. "Think hard about where we are. We're right outside Sina. Think about what could happen if you did _that."_

Eren snarled and forced himself out of Jean's hold. Jean let the teen shove him away and gladly took the few steps back to put some much-needed space between them. He eased up, but kept his eyes on Eren; the kid was still fuming, but the way his face pinched together like he'd just swallowed something sour let Jean know he'd gotten some sense knocked into him. Jean waited until the fury in Eren's eyes died out a bit — until the glint in those green eyes mellowed out to a low-burning flare.

Illuminated by flashing lights, Jean watched Eren's face slowly unfold from rage until Eren was just glaring at his own feet in silence.

Jean heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "Look — the last thing we need is for you to lose your shit where people are still around. Take a deep breath and chill out. Leave this to me and just — just _trust_ me, okay?"

There was, surprisingly, an awkward and brittle silence after Jean finished speaking. Jean watched the anger on Eren's face unhook and drop into exhaustion as the lights flashed around them in the dark.

Sulking in silence, Eren finally nodded his head.

What a petulant child, Jean thought. How did Mikasa put up with him? She was a goddess and a saint.

Jean turned toward the blinding lights and squinted just as the cop car came to a slow stop about 3 feet away from them. Someone cut the lights and cool darkness fell upon them.

The door opened.


	2. we've come full circle

**_WE LEFT THE CAMARO ON THE ROAD LEAVING SINA_**  
>written by <strong>A. E. Stover<br>**this version is **not edited**

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><p>.<p>

**[02] we've come full circle**

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He left the diner with Hanji tagging along.

"You'll come, won't you? I'll even bleach the whole place clean!"

"Your apartment needs burning, not cleaning."

"Are you offering your services? When can you come by?"

Levi was about to tell Hanji off when hushed, angry whispers and grunts weaved over the parking lot to fill his ears. He kept on his path to the car, but gave extra attention to the noises just in case it happened to be something needing his presence.

And to tune Hanji out.

"Ha, Levi— You look like Mike when you do that. It's really cute! All you need is a furry coat... I can get you one, if you'd like! I've got plenty! I dress up like Mike sometimes when I need inspiration, and I've found that it helps a lot, and—"

Levi shoved a wad of napkins into Hanji's mouth. "One," he began tersely as Hanji made a face while pulling them out, "shut up. Two," Levi clicked his remote to unlock their car, "does Mike know you named your dog after him?"

Hanji grinned. "Of course he does! Mike and Mike get along so well."

It was Levi's turn to make a face. He settled with wiping out their conversation altogether and getting into the car. Hanji mimed his motions, though keeping the smile and humming brightly.

"I don't like you drunk."

Hanji laughed. "I'm not drunk! I only had three beers! I'm just a little buzzed, and... Is it just me or are two guys squeezing out the window together over there?"

"It's not just you."

"Ah, okay. Then, yeah. Not drunk. Just buzzed."

Levi grunted and leaned his elbow against the window of his car. He and Hanji sat in silence together, watching the idiot duo squeeze and wriggle themselves out the window together. There seemed to be a big age gap between the two; one looked about fifteen while the other looked to be in his mid twenties. The younger one had on a worn leather jacket the color of shit while the taller one had something wrong with his hair (dye it properly, jackass). _They_ were the ones Levi had heard making those sounds.

The older one got out of the window first; he'd pushed the younger one back in to get out and was now facing his buddy with arms spread. _Jump_, he seemed to be saying. _Fuck you and your crappy hair,_ the younger one seemed to answer. Maybe. Levi couldn't tell, really. He was shit at reading lips, and he could barely hear their voices now. The brat's face sure as hell fit; Levi couldn't remember the last time he'd seen a face so furious.

Oh wait, he could. It was this morning, when Erwin told him he'd been re-assigned to tag with Hanji because Mike had other business to take care of.

"Wonder what they're doing... Ah...!" Hanji giggled and leaned into him with a perverted grin. "Do you think..."

"Diner ditchers," Levi sighed and cut in before Hanji could ruin his night with some oddball story.

Hanji sighed too, but dramatically so, dipping face-first into the dashboard. "You're never any fun."

"We're on the job."

"We finished hours ago!"

"I'm still on the job."

"We had beers!"

"_You_ had beers. _Three_ beers. _I'm_ still on the job."

Hanji gave a deep, guttural groan. "You're never any fun."

"Wow. We've come full cycle already."

"Hey, the brown one's getting out!"

"They're both wearing brown."

"Yeah, but one of them's... brown...er..."

"...Okay, sure."

Hanji was referring to the bratty-looking teenager. Said brat was awkwardly hanging onto the windowsill with his legs clumsily draped over the shoulders of the older one with a crappy dye job. The older one grabbed the bratty teenager's legs, and five whole fucking minutes had to pass before said brat could even let go of the window. Mr. I-have-zero-fashion-sense seemed to be verbally directing the teeny-bopper with how to move, since the idiot only let go of things and grabbed onto new things after the mouth on the older one moved. With the way the brat was grabbing onto the older guy's head, Levi guessed the brat had some sort of phobia with heights. That, and the frozen look of terror combined with the teen's refusal to looking anywhere but straight again.

Oh, wait, the brat looked down. And he looks to be hyperventilating. And pulling on crap-styled hair.

Surprisingly, the older guy wasn't yelling or threatening to cut his hands off. Rather, he looked more concerned than annoyed. The older guy spoke for a few moments, looking up at the acrophobic teen. After some odd minutes of speaking and leg-patting, the younger one seemed to finally pull the metal rod out of his spine and relax somewhat. Then, the older guy slowly crouched down to the ground.

The teen was on the ground faster than Levi could blink.

But not fast enough. "That was cute! I'm sending this to Mike!"

Levi pretended not to hear Hanji's cheery humming and resolutely continued his ignoring even as Hanji read aloud the caption that would be sent to Mike along with a photo of the idiot duo.

"Two cute brunets... No, two _sexy_ brunets... Just your type..."

"One of them's, like, fifteen. That's pedophilia."

"That's what makes it hilarious!" Hanji declared, and started to giggle.

Levi started the engine, hoping to drown out the giggling. It worked a little too well; the car fell silent save for the steady rumbling of the car. Levi chanced a look to the side.

Hanji was not smiling anymore.

The phone lit Hanji's face with an eerie blue light; Hanji's mouth was drawn in a tight line. All evidence of Hanji's previous glee was gone.

Levi turned to face Hanji fully just as Hanji looked up from the phone to stare at him.

"You won't believe what Mike just sent me," Hanji said, turning the phone toward him.

Levi peered at the screen. It was a picture of a student ID from Trost High School. A young teen with neat brown hair and bright green eyes shone on the screen. EREN JAEGER, read the name printed on the card.

_[Kidnapped. Stay on him. Keep me posted.]_ read Mike's message underneath.

Against his better judgment, Levi shot out of his car. He'd opened his door a little bit too noisily, and his movements were a little too jerky to not be noticed, but it turned out not to matter.

The two from earlier were gone.

Levi slammed the door shut as he re-entered the car.

"You won't believe what Erwin just sent me about the other guy."

"Let me guess. His best friend," Levi drawled. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Don't tell me the Jaeger brat's got Stockholm. What the fuck. What the fucking fuck—"

"Actually, it's not."

Hanji shoved the phone in his face again.

An old photo of a young man in a military uniform from the forties showed on screen. He was standing with a young blonde woman by his side, and with two other men about his age in the background.

_[Jean Kirschstein. Deceased, December 1944.]_

Levi stared at the message. "So... is Jean supposed to be that guy's father, or what?"

Hanji pulled the phone away with a scowl. "You know that's not possible! If his father died in '44, how could he be here? And in his twenties?"

Levi narrowed his eyes. "So, what is this? Some kind of joke?"

"I... don't know? Let's ask him!"

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, let's — Let's just leave this be." He switched on the headlights to the car and began to pull out of his parking space.

"But what about that kid? What if he was really kidnapped?"

Levi braked at the lot entryway and gave Hanji a long look. "Left or right?"

Hanji blinked. "Hah?"

"Left. Or right. Pick one. If we see them, we'll pull them over and have a chat. If we don't, then whatever."

"Levi! That Eren kid could really be in trouble!"

"Didn't look like it to me."

"You don't know that! You said it yourself — it could be Stockholm! Don't you care about—"

Levi reached over and grabbed Hanji's face. His fingers squeezed fleshy cheeks and, while that normally would have reduced his idiot partner into a fit of giggles, Hanji was not laughing in the slightest. "There are over two thousand kids being reported missing on a daily basis. There's a department that handles that, and it's definitely not ours. We have our own cases to deal with, and taking care of some teenage brat is not on our list of priorities. Did you forget we're already on a case?"

Hanji shoved Levi's hand off and furiously turned away. "I haven't forgotten," Hanji snapped. "I just thought—"

"We can't save them all."

Hanji didn't respond.

"You know that. _I_ know that. But we have to pick our battles. And we're already face-deep in a shitty one."

"...I know."

Levi gripped the steering wheel with both hands. "So? Which way do we go?"

Hanji sat with crossed arms and a face full of defeat. "Just go left. We can't be late again."

"Left it is, then." Levi turned the car to drive south toward Trost. He flicked on the lights to humor his partner, and Hanji's arms uncross a few minutes into the drive. They remain silent, however, and for once Levi finds himself missing Hanji's inane comments and oddball stories.

The hesitant peace cut short however, when Levi catches sight of two males shoving each other against a yellow car. It's the idiots from the diner, Levi realized with a start. He saw Hanji straighten up from the corner of his eye.

"Looks like they're part of our case now, Levi," Hanji said, voice oddly soft and not at all mixing well with the ominous glint appearing behind the wire-rimmed glasses.

Levi grunted his response, and watched the way the two froze together upon catching sight of the flashing lights. He braked and cut the engine some distance away from them.

Hanji was out the door before he can kill the lights.


End file.
